This week I have decided to join in over at Mama’s Losin’ It for the writer’s workshop. Mama Kat gives you prompts and you can choose and write about what you want. I love the idea! So, this is my choice this week…
Moxie is defined as the ability to face difficulty with spirit and courage; bold energy. Describe a time when you showed moxie.
Most of you are unaware of the problems that we (I) faced prior to my step-kids living with us. It was pretty awful to say the least. Police knew my address because of calls I had to make regarding the kids’ mom, the courts knew my name because of orders of protection I had against her. My oldest DD was very rude to me and left messages on our answering machine calling me horrible names (she was easily influenced by her mother at the time) and we would get no less than 30 calls a night sometimes from her and her mother being harrassing over nothing at all. As soon as the younger kids were able to talk, they were taught to disrespect me.
Despite everything, I knew how important my now-husband’s kids were to him so I continued to help make changes in our life together to aid him in seeing his children. There were times I was not allowed in my own house because of him seeing the kids (the ex’s demands) and times I put up with way more name calling and abuse (from the ex) than any one person should. I picked my head up and moved us into a larger apartment so he could have visitation with the kids. When we were up on our lease, I found us a small house and we decided to rent that so the kids would each have their own room.
All this turned out to be a good decision because in 2002 the children were homeless due to their mother’s absence. We received a call from a friend of their mom’s saying that the kids were with her and that their mom was unavailable. We needed to pick them up right away. Was I ready to be the mother of 3 children? Absolutely not. Was I prepared to be the mother of 3 children? No. We had the basic necessities for the younger two children but the oldest hadn’t even been visiting us (again, mother’s influence on her). Did I run as fast as possible away from this relationship? No. I dug my feet in and made a home for the kids. I gathered up information the oldest needed for school and we got her enrolled. We bought food, clothing, bedding, toys and other things for the kids to make our home more about their home. My parents helped us a ton with coats, clothes, and other things we needed for the kids. They even bought us a car and let us pay them back slowly so that Mike had a safe vehicle. We are still thankful to them for the way they accepted Mike’s kids and the love and support they showed us.
Mike and I were married in 2003 (our anniversary is Saturday!) while the kids’ mom was still not around. She came back into their lives shortly after that and things are still a bit messy at times. Thankfully, Mike usually allows me to stay out of the situation and he handles things. It is better that way. I still feel enormous amounts of stress at times but I deal with it… for the sake of the kids.
It wasn’t easy being an instant mom. It still isn’t easy. Being a mother to children who already have a mother is something that you don’t understand unless you live it. Going up to school and having the kids call you “Stef” instead of Mom and knowing that everyone around you knows that you aren’t their real mom is upsetting sometimes. How many times have I wished that the kids would just call me Mom? Too many to count.
Each day though, I know that I am the mom they need; the mom they come to; the mom that takes care of them. I am the mom that loves them… despite whatever things happened in the past. That is my moxie.
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