I went to mass on Christmas Eve and during that hour-plus, I was asked about what I am going to do this coming year to give back to those around me. I sat there for some time trying to think of all the gifts I have but one thing kept coming back to me. I wanted to give a voice to those who are affected by domestic violence. I want to give an insight into this experience that many, many women (1 in 4) go through. I want to be there for and help women who are trying to get out of these situations.
The first thing I want to do is share a mission with you called Brave Woman. Brave Woman is a cause that is trying to shift the perception of women facing domestic violence situations from a victim mentality to one of courage and strength. It seeks to create a community that supports women who are making difficult decisions about getting out of these situations and to bring awareness of domestic violence and what it does to families to the forefront. It seeks to provide support for every woman and child; to give them what they need to live without fear in their homes and see themselves as courageous victors, finally free from family violence.
I ask that you all click on this link: Brave Woman and take the pledge to support women. This is the pledge you are greeted with upon clicking over:
I pledge to honor and respect brave women and children who tackle the difficult journey of change from domestic violence to a new life. I acknowledge my own moment-by-moment bravery, will remain aware of what is happening to others around me, and speak up against violence in any form. I will stand up for human dignity and safety for women and children.
I ask you, can you make this pledge? Can you keep your ears and eyes open to the situations around you? Can you support women and children affected by domestic violence? Please consider this pledge and then do what you can to help this cause.
You can also find Brave Woman on Twitter and Facebook.
Now, I want to share something with you that will help you understand why this cause is so close to my heart. I want you to know that domestic violence happens everywhere. There is no state or country that does not have domestic violence. It is everywhere and it may not be what you are thinking of when you hear the word “violence”. Know that domestic violence is not always about bruises and cuts… and not just because they aren’t visible. Domestic violence can be about words too in what is called verbal abuse. Know also that verbal abuse is just as damaging, if not worse, than physical abuse.
When you are asked to support a woman in a domestic violence situation, I ask that you consider her entire situation. It is very easy for someone on the outside to say “why stay? Just leave”. Please know that there are so many factors that can play on a woman’s decision to leave. Does she have family near by? Is she going to lose her pets? Will her children go without? Are there stepchildren involved? Will she have to leave her job, her friends, her family? It is so easy to just tell a woman what to do but the decision to leave is not likely an easy one to make. Please understand that. Please offer your support on the decisions that woman makes. She has to be brave for her family and herself.
I state all of this because I am a woman who has been a victim… a woman who needs support and encouragement. I live everyday with what words can do to a person. I may not fear for my safety in a physical way but that makes it no less harmful. Making life changes are not easy for anyone but someone that has suffered the effects of abuse have a harder time. Being belittled, controlled, or verbally/physically abused can make a person scared and anxious. I can offer something of myself though with my pledge. I do pledge to support women that need it. I also pledge to be an ear for those that are still trying to make those difficult choices and to not turn my back on her. I may not know what is going on behind the doors of someone’s home and I will not make it my business but I will offer an ear, a shoulder, or a hand to any woman that needs it as long as I can. I pledge to encourage and support any “victim” and help to empower her to do what would make her and her children happy. That is my gift… my pledge. Can you do the same?
Disclosure: This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for CollectiveBias. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Amy @ Coffee With the Mrs. says
You are so brave to share your own story. There are so many people who suffer from an abusive relationship and I know your words have helped and will help women who find themselves there right now.
Alena Belleque says
I took the pledge, and a post is scheduled on my blog about this for Tuesday. Love you, dear *hugs*
Terri says
One of the things that has struck me, in participating in this campaign, is the number of our relatively small group who have been touched by domestic violence. Speaks volumes, in legitimizing the disheartening odds.
Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. The more me share, the more we empower!
Heather says
Thank you for sharing about exactly how people can help and be helped. It is hard to understand all the complexities of how a woman can leave and protect herself.
Closer to Lucy says
It seems to me that the damage from words can be far greater than those of blunt force.
You are so right about needing encouragement is very easy for someone on the outside to say “why stay? Just leave,” unless you have been intimately involved in a violent relationship the cycle of domestic violence is difficult to comprehend.
Brandy Nelson says
Wow…What a powerful post. I am sitting here in tears, thankful for such a movement. I wish this was around several years ago when I was going through a marriage that was pure Hell. I am now married to a wonderful man who treats me like gold, but my ex-husband was an entirely different story altogether. He was physically, verbally, sexually, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I couldn’t have friends of either gender, I couldn’t communicate with family,and I couldn’t do ANYTHING right. I wasn’t allowed to drive, handle finances, and if I were “allowed” to have a job, he had to approve it and I had to hand my paychecks over to him. He even held a gun on me at one point. My oldest, who is now 11, actually has memories of me being screamed at and choked, even though he was a toddler at the time. I agree that words hurt more, and they can have lasting effects. To this day, I am shy, meek, and fearful a lot of the time, and I am struggling with trying to recover from an eating disorder because I was brainwashed into thinking I wasn’t “good enough”. I am afraid to be overly social because he convinced me years ago no one would want to be around me. (And I am a good person,lol) I am a member of several blogging groups with wonderful ladies in them, and I remain silent 99% of the time because I am so shy now. While I am years out of the situation, it still has it’s effects.When I was with him, no one could tell me to leave. I wasn’t ready, and I was too petrified of the consequences. I had to do it in my own time. Leaving was the hardest, scariest thing I have ever done, but it’s also the BEST thing I have ever done. I was always told that I would never have anything if I left…That no one would ever love me…That I would fail…He was WRONG. I am happily married and have been for almost 4 years now, and I have 2 more beautiful children who won’t have to grow up in fear or be exposed to ugliness. Thank you for reaching out and letting us know about this pledge. Having been there, this is something I believe in wholeheartedly. I know I just gave a huge dose of TMI, but I just wanted to share the Cliff’s Notes version of my own experiences so that others would know they’re not alone. This happens to far too many women, and these women deserve to find their voice. Thank you for a great post, and sorry for rambling!
Tonia @ The Gunny Sack says
Thank you for sharing this very important part of abuse! I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through but I know that you are a very brave woman!!
Diane @ Philzendia says
Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes it’s hard to open up and get personal, but sharing your personal experience might help someone else who may be living in fear. You are definitely a brave woman!
Linette says
You are very brave to share your story. I’m sure it will inspire others who may be in a bad situation!
Christy says
I too took the pledge Stef and thanks for sharing! I’m sorry you ever endured any type of torture, but today you are strong and you are BRAVE! And you are awesome! Thanks for spreading the word! Rock on my brave sister!
Ashley Capps says
You’re a strong woman, Stef! What an amazing cause. Definitely checking it out <3!