Weight Loss Journey

Being overweight didn’t happen overnight.  It also didn’t happen by mistake.  I knew each time that I ate something that was bad for me that it was going to have an effect on my weight.  I knew that I would regret it.  But, with that guilt came more eating and more regret.  It was a constant cycle of hatred for my actions and decisions.

As I grew older, those things changed.  Where I once was an emotional eater that fed my feelings, now I am an emotional eater in different ways.  I no longer feed myself until I am “happy” by binging.  Now, my happiness comes in other ways but I am still using food in unhealthy ways.  If I am upset, as has been the case for the past few weeks, I now don’t eat and have been eating one meal a day on average.  This leads to my body going into starvation mode and weight loss becoming impossible.  It also leads to my body craving food and I end up eating things that aren’t good for me in order to fill the void.  That void isn’t a hunger though… it is my emotions.  If only I realized that when I was reaching for that candy bar or potato chips.

I am unsure how to get past these problems.  I need to develop a healthy relationship with food but I don’t know how to begin.  Food is always there.  I can deny it (as I have been lately) or I can take it in.  I can convince myself that the food is making me feel better but the reality is that I will feel guilt for my eating habits.  It may not be today but it will happen.

I have been weighing myself each week.  I have gained about a pound over the past few weeks.  I am so unhappy with what has happened to my diet.  But, I know that with all the negative feelings around and in me, I am not in a place emotionally that I can take care of myself physically.  I want to get back on track with my diet.  It makes me feel so good about myself when I see a weight or measurement loss.  In the same regard, it is a huge let down to see a gain or no change.  It can affect my entire day… adding to the emotions that I feel the need to feed… or starve.

I am praying for peace in my household and peace in my mind so that I can start to work on me again.  I want to feel that sense of accomplishment I was feeling with each week of positive results.  I want to know that I am doing something good for myself and my family.  I want to be proud of myself again… not embarrassed about who I have become.

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Weight Watchers Update (week 15)

April 16, 2010
Slimming down

Well, this week was much better than last as far as the scale goes.  I have a lot to share with you all about why my weight issues are coming to a new beginning as of this week, but I will do that in another post.  All I can say is that my body has gone through many changes over the past week.  I can only hope that the changes will bring about some positive in the weight-loss area in the future.  (I will write up that post and get it live by the end of the weekend.  It is worthy of its own.) Okay, so I did get some exercise this week.  The biggest amount was on Wednesday when I headed to the zoo […]

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Weight Watchers update (week 14)

April 9, 2010

I won’t even bother to put my slimming down button up today.  I am so disappointed with myself.  I know better than to eat the way I have.  I think after Easter I got this taste of food again and didn’t give a crap that I was doing something bad.  I knew that I was eating too much on Easter but the food was so good.  Then, last night we went out for pizza for Mackenzie’s birthday and I had a cupcake cone when we came home.  Carbs are my nemesis and it shows this week. I didn’t weigh in last week, which I know is bad.  So, in the past two weeks, I have gained 3.9 pounds.  My bust went down an inch but […]

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Weight Watchers update (week 12)

March 26, 2010
Slimming down

I had a pretty rough week.  I haven’t eaten enough and definitely did not exercise enough.  I need to exercise.  I need to get out and do stuff.  It rained the last few days so I wasn’t able to get out and walk.  I did walk a few miles this week though.  It still wasn’t enough.  I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE! Anyway, I was happy to see what I did today when I got on the scale.  My measurements did not change at all but I did have some weight loss this week. I lost 3.5 pounds this past week!  I have a total loss of 23.3 pounds over the past 12 weeks.  I am seeing a pattern of alternating weeks of weight loss and […]

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Weight Watchers Update (week 11)

March 19, 2010
Slimming down

I just want to scream today!  And, I have two words in my mind when I weighed-in today… BITE ME! Those words are for dear Aunt Flo.  This week has been a rough one.  I am bloated, tired, cranky, and just feel blah.  I haven’t exercised much and didn’t eat was well as I could have. I gained 0.7 pounds over the past week.  Thankfully, my measurements are very good or I would be in tears right now.  My weight, I believe, is totally affected by dear Aunt Flo’s visit. So, I will focus on these measurements this week because they ROCK! Hips:  loss of 1 inch Thighs:  loss of 1 inch Waist: loss of 1.5 inches Yep!  I lost 3.5 inches this week.  YES!  […]

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