To Be Thode » Weight Loss Journey

Feeding My Feelings… I am an Emotional Eater

Stefany — Mon, 10 May 2010 13:00:30 +0000

Being overweight didn’t happen overnight. It also didn’t happen by mistake. I knew each time that I ate something that was bad for me that it was going to have an effect on my weight. I knew that I would regret it. But, with that guilt came more eating and more regret. It was a constant cycle of hatred for my actions and decisions.

As I grew older, those things changed. Where I once was an emotional eater that fed my feelings, now I am an emotional eater in different ways. I no longer feed myself until I am “happy” by binging. Now, my happiness comes in other ways but I am still using food in unhealthy ways. If I am upset, as has been the case for the past few weeks, I now don’t eat and have been eating one meal a day on average. This leads to my body going into starvation mode and weight loss becoming impossible. It also leads to my body craving food and I end up eating things that aren’t good for me in order to fill the void. That void isn’t a hunger though… it is my emotions. If only I realized that when I was reaching for that candy bar or potato chips.

I am unsure how to get past these problems. I need to develop a healthy relationship with food but I don’t know how to begin. Food is always there. I can deny it (as I have been lately) or I can take it in. I can convince myself that the food is making me feel better but the reality is that I will feel guilt for my eating habits. It may not be today but it will happen.

I have been weighing myself each week. I have gained about a pound over the past few weeks. I am so unhappy with what has happened to my diet. But, I know that with all the negative feelings around and in me, I am not in a place emotionally that I can take care of myself physically. I want to get back on track with my diet. It makes me feel so good about myself when I see a weight or measurement loss. In the same regard, it is a huge let down to see a gain or no change. It can affect my entire day… adding to the emotions that I feel the need to feed… or starve.

I am praying for peace in my household and peace in my mind so that I can start to work on me again. I want to feel that sense of accomplishment I was feeling with each week of positive results. I want to know that I am doing something good for myself and my family. I want to be proud of myself again… not embarrassed about who I have become.

Weight Watchers Update (week 15)

Stefany — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 00:47:30 +0000

Well, this week was much better than last as far as the scale goes. I have a lot to share with you all about why my weight issues are coming to a new beginning as of this week, but I will do that in another post. All I can say is that my body has gone through many changes over the past week. I can only hope that the changes will bring about some positive in the weight-loss area in the future. (I will write up that post and get it live by the end of the weekend. It is worthy of its own.)

Okay, so I did get some exercise this week. The biggest amount was on Wednesday when I headed to the zoo with some friends. We pretty much walked the entire time, except lunch, so I was walking about 4.5 hours. I exercised a small amount a few other days, but didn’t meet the goal I made with Julie (@DUTCHbeingMe) because I didn’t exercise 5 out of 7 days. UGH! I wanted to but I have been in such a funk this past week that I just didn’t. I haven’t eaten well and have been neglecting all parts of taking care of myself.

I am now taking Metformin again (for PCOS) and I am not sure how that will affect my dieting. I am hopeful that it will aid in my losing weight though. I am no longer on the mini-pill so I am hopeful that the lack of hormones will help in the weight-loss area too. It is way too soon to tell but maybe I will see some changes over the next several weeks.

As you may remember, I had a bad weigh-in last week. Thanks to Easter, my cycle, lack of exercise, and bad food choices, I had gained 3.9 pounds over the previous two weeks. Today, when I weighed in, I have lost 3.6 of those pounds! So, thankfully it didn’t take me as long to lose it as it did to gain. My chest measurement was up a 1/2 inch but I am not at all worried about it. I do think my waist measurement went up as well but I am just going to focus on the good right now.

For the past 15 weeks, I am down a total of 23 pounds. While I would love that to be much much, I will take it. I know this will pay off eventually.

Weight Watchers update (week 14)

Stefany — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 17:11:13 +0000

I won’t even bother to put my slimming down button up today. I am so disappointed with myself. I know better than to eat the way I have. I think after Easter I got this taste of food again and didn’t give a crap that I was doing something bad. I knew that I was eating too much on Easter but the food was so good. Then, last night we went out for pizza for Mackenzie’s birthday and I had a cupcake cone when we came home. Carbs are my nemesis and it shows this week.

I didn’t weigh in last week, which I know is bad. So, in the past two weeks, I have gained 3.9 pounds. My bust went down an inch but all other measurements stayed the same.

I only exercised once the past week. One day I took the kids for a 2.7 mile walk. Other than that, nada. Bad, bad, bad. I want to get out more and I really want to get a workout plan or system that I can follow (I am hopefully going to be reviewing something soon so stay tuned!).

I need a new start. I am going to change my habits once again and pay attention to what I am eating. I can’t let this gain stop me from what I was doing. Although, I will tell you, when I see that number go up, I just want to cry… and eat a piece of cake. I won’t though.

Wish me luck on my next weigh-in. It has to be better.

Weight Watchers update (week 12)

Stefany — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 20:14:26 +0000

I had a pretty rough week. I haven’t eaten enough and definitely did not exercise enough. I need to exercise. I need to get out and do stuff. It rained the last few days so I wasn’t able to get out and walk. I did walk a few miles this week though. It still wasn’t enough. I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE!

Anyway, I was happy to see what I did today when I got on the scale. My measurements did not change at all but I did have some weight loss this week.

I lost 3.5 pounds this past week! I have a total loss of 23.3 pounds over the past 12 weeks. I am seeing a pattern of alternating weeks of weight loss and inches lost. If that continues, I will be happy. I admit that I like seeing the weight loss but I also love to see my clothes fitting differently. It changes my entire outlook when I can wear something I haven’t in a long time or ever.

This will serve as my Blog the Weight Away update for Wednesday, March 24th. In the meantime, be sure to offer encouragement to my teammates! (honestly, I am not sure if anyone but me and Paula are doing this anymore!)

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com

I will add the Blog the Weight Away blog hop once it is available.

Weight Watchers Update (week 11)

Stefany — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 18:08:29 +0000

I just want to scream today! And, I have two words in my mind when I weighed-in today…

BITE ME!

Those words are for dear Aunt Flo. This week has been a rough one. I am bloated, tired, cranky, and just feel blah. I haven’t exercised much and didn’t eat was well as I could have.

I gained 0.7 pounds over the past week. Thankfully, my measurements are very good or I would be in tears right now. My weight, I believe, is totally affected by dear Aunt Flo’s visit.

So, I will focus on these measurements this week because they ROCK!

Hips: loss of 1 inch

Thighs: loss of 1 inch

Waist: loss of 1.5 inches

Yep! I lost 3.5 inches this week. YES! So, I may have gained weight (again, BITE ME Aunt Flo) but I did lose inches. So, all is good…

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com

I will add the Blog the Weight Away blog hop once it is available.

Weight Watchers Update (week 10)

Stefany — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 17:44:58 +0000

I vowed last week that I would not see a gain when I weighed in this week. I knew that I needed to get out and moving and I did. I will be completely honest on this one though… I did not eat that great this week. I didn’t eat good meals and made some not-so-great choices. It was a rough week for me emotionally and I am an emotional eater. I didn’t overeat but I didn’t make the best choices.

We have had some great weather lately and I took full advantage. I walked a minimum of a mile outside each day. I took the dog for a walk, walked by myself, with my parents, pushing a stroller, and even with Mike once. I walk a 20 minute mile and it feels good. There are hills and it is a good workout for me. I walked a total of 9 miles this past week (in addition to my normal walking). I am looking forward to Spring when I can be outside even more.

So, for the information you are reading this update for…

I lost 3.2 pounds this past week, for a total loss of 20.5 pounds over the past 10 weeks.

There were no changes in my measurements this past week. I am okay with that for right now. I can see a difference in my clothes and that is good enough for me right now.

This will serve as my Blog the Weight Away update for Wednesday, March 17th. In the meantime, be sure to offer encouragement to my teammates! (honestly, I am not sure if anyone but me and Paula are doing this anymore!)

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com

I will add the Blog the Weight Away blog hop once it is available.

Weight Watchers Update (week 9)

Stefany — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:36:39 +0000

This was a bad week. I lost 2.5 pounds from Friday until Monday because I was so sick that I couldn’t eat. My body apparently went into starvation mode and when I started eating again, it was happy. A bit too happy. I am not happy though. I am actually upset and have vowed to make changes this week to get back on the right track. I have not exercised all week and I really think that is contributing to my stasis with my weight.

So, I don’t have much to report this week. I gained 0.2 pounds. I lost 0.5 inch on my waist. I still have so far to go that these little gains in pounds are so upsetting. I know that this is a process and I need to understand that there will be ups and downs along the way. I am still trying to get to that point in my mind though. Thank goodness I had a measurement loss this week or I would be very depressed.

So, I will give my totals for the past 9 weeks to make myself fell better and to understand how far I have come. These are all losses:

Pounds: 17.3 pounds in 9 weeks.

The measurements were started 7 weeks ago.

Arms: 1 inch

Waist: 4.5 inches

Hips: 4.5 inches

Bust: 4 inches

Thighs: 2 inches

Total of 16 inches over 7 weeks.

I walked a mile today (plus my normal daily walking) and hope to make changes this week to get back on track to make those numbers larger.

This will serve as my Blog the Weight Away update for Wednesday, March 10th. In the meantime, be sure to offer encouragement to my teammates!

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com

I will add the Blog the Weight Away blog hop once it is available.

Weight Watchers update (week 8)

Stefany — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:54:24 +0000

I told Mike last night that this was not going to be a good weight loss week for me. I have not been eating well at all. It isn’t that I have been exceeding my points or eating a bunch of crap. The contrary actually. I haven’t been eating near enough. I have hit a point and I am sick of eating the same food and I need some inspiration. Problem is that if I make something I can eat, the kids won’t. If I make something they will eat, I can’t have it because the points are bad. So, I gave up this week. I consumed about half of my allotted points on Monday through Thursday and even went to bed hungry a few days. This is definitely not good for weight loss. My plan is to do some looking around (especially at Gina’s WW Recipes) and try to come up with some new ideas.

I did walk with my parents once this week but that is all the exercise I did all week. Again, not good… but I really didn’t have the energy (because I wasn’t eating! ugh!). One good thing that came of this week is that I finally got the Weight Watchers Pedometer. It is telling me how many steps I walk in a day and how many Activity Points I get for those steps. I haven’t been tracking daily Activity Points except when I really work out with aerobics or something. This has been a bit of a reality check that I am getting Activity Points each day and if I am not eating enough, I am working against my body to lose weight.

Anyways, the bad news is that I gained 0.5lbs this week.

My measurements are better news:

Hips: loss of 1.5 inches

Waist: loss of 0.5 inch

Bust: loss of 1 inch

I am holding steady with my clothes but some things really are just too big to wear anymore. I generally wear lounge pants (or yoga pants) at home during the day and all of those are getting too big. I don’t want to buy any so I look sloppy most days which is definitely not good for my self-esteem. I have had great luck with Goodwill for jeans but yoga-type pants are harder to come by.

I am happy with my inches but certainly didn’t like to see a gain on the scale. Weight Watchers was not disappointed at all and said that these little gains happen from time to time and not to be concerned with such a small amount regardless. So, I am trying not to be discouraged. Honestly though, I am.

This will serve as my Blog the Weight Away update for Wednesday, March 3rd. In the meantime, be sure to offer encouragement to my teammates!

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com

I will add the Blog the Weight Away blog hop once it is available.

Weight Watchers update (week 7) #weightaway

Stefany — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 18:09:38 +0000

I was about to cry when I put my weight into Weight Watchers this morning. I really could not believe what I was seeing. I mean, I knew what to expect but the numbers popping up on the screen with the big line going down was just overwhelming. I have been trying so hard and feeling so great about my progress. Yeah, I get down at times, like when my husband eats candy or other yummy goodness in front of me. I haven’t been depriving myself by any means, but I would like to sit and eat whatever I want, whenever I want too. But, I know this is for the best and I want to lose this weight.

So, I needed a big HELL YEAH- TAKE THAT WEIGHT AWAY kind of weigh-in and, boy did I get it! Weight Watchers pops up this little screen that tells you what you lost each week plus the total since you started. This morning, I saw my numbers and was literally about to cry.

This past week I have lost 3.9 pounds!!!

I have lost 1 inch off my bust and thighs as well.

This means that, since I started Weight Watchers 7 weeks ago, I have lost a total of 18 pounds. I can’t believe it… 18 pounds people!!!! Heck, my baby doesn’t weight much more than that… I lost the equivalent of one little baby. I am so happy right now.

My mom is telling me to take pics again so, after I shower and get dressed, I guess I will do that. I don’t know that you will see a change though and that is why I hesitate to take pictures. I like to live in my state of bliss right now looking at the numbers. ha!

So, here are the pictures. I really can’t see a difference in them but I can tell in my clothes.
January

February

This will serve as my Blog the Weight Away update for Wednesday, February 24th. In the meantime, be sure to offer encouragement to my teammates!

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com

I will add the Blog the Weight Away blog hop once it is available.

Weight Watchers Update (week 6) #weightaway

Stefany — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:35:12 +0000

I can’t contain my excitement this week! I have settled into a good routine with Weight Watchers. I tend to “cheat” a bit more on the weekends but have never used all my possible points for the week. It makes me feel good that I can still enjoy the foods I always have. I am always trying to make healthier choices by choosing non-fat dressings, wheat bread, grilled instead of friend foods, etc. During the week, I buckle down and follow my plan more strict.

So, are you ready for this week?? Let me say that I didn’t exercise but one day. I should have but it has been a rough week and I just chose not to. I only did 20 minutes of step aerobics for the week.

Alright, the verdict is…

I lost 3.7 pounds the past week!!! That is so fantastic, right? I met my first Weight Watchers goal (the ones that they set) and I am so excited. My measurements weren’t as good this week but I am totally fine with that… I lost 0.5 inch off my hips. Better news is that I actually dropped two pant sizes since starting Weight Watchers 6 weeks ago. Awesome, right?

Okay, so here are my totals for the past 6 weeks:

Weight: Loss of 14.1 pounds

Arms: Loss of 1 inch

Hips: Loss of 3 inches

Thighs: Loss of 1 inch

Waist: Loss of 3.5 inches

Bust: Loss of 2 inches

Or, 14.1 pounds and 10.5 inches gone over 6 weeks!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I am so proud of myself. This is the first time I have done this well on losing weight and stuck with it. I bought some jeans at Goodwill a few weekends ago just knowing that they would fit me soon and they do now. I feel amazing right now.

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement.

This will serve as my Blog the Weight Away update for Wednesday, February17th. In the meantime, be sure to offer encouragement to my teammates!

Team members:

Toni from MarketMommies.com
Paula from FrostedFingers.com