I have shared with you before the amazing events that happen at my church on the first Wednesday of the month called Inspire. After a break for the summer, they have began again. Once again, the music was amazing, the worship alive, and the my tears flowed freely. But, I am not going to talk to you about what Inspire was about because I realized something even greater tonight thanks to Inspire.
I went with a great friend and we met another friend from our MOMS group for dinner. We then went over to church and worshiped together and with some other friends (and a large amount of visitors and members of the church). As I was sitting there among my friends, praying with and for them, I realized that I have isolated myself… again.
This isn’t the first time. Things happen in my life and I pull away. I pull away from my friends and even my family. Mike has felt the distance. I didn’t talk to my friends for a large portion of the summer. Basically, ever since we found that my uncle has a terminal illness (which I am still trying to get the courage to post about), I have felt broken. I haven’t been praying the way I was. I haven’t been feeling God’s presence in my life. I haven’t been a good friend.
I go to church every Sunday and it is my foundation for my week. I need that each week. So, why do I walk out of the doors and forget what I am doing? Prior to a few months ago, I had a strong relationship with God and felt a connection in my daily life. Now, I have fleeting moments where I feel a presence and the rest I am struggling to find my way.
Tonight, I realized that my friends are a source of God’s love in my life. I need them as much as I need to go to church and as much as I need to pray. I have my mom, my sister, and my husband and I am eternally blessed because of that. My friends though, the ones that brought me closer to Christ to begin with through MOMS, are people I need in my life. I need to have those phone calls, texts, emails and play dates. I need to have their hugs and give them back.
Tonight, I prayed over a friend. I prayed for my friends. I have made a promise that I will not disappear from my friend’s lives again. Even if I am ready to hole myself up in my house, I will reach out and talk to them. Even if I don’t want to leave my house and want to sit in my pajamas all day, I will still call my friends to make that connection that I need so badly. When I am away from my friends, I can convince myself that everything is okay. When I am with them, I realize just how important they are to me. I went several years without having any real friendships. Now that I have them, I need to hold onto them with all my heart.