There isn’t much I regret in my life. I do have one thing that weighs heavily on my heart though. I am a Catholic but my husband is not. In addition, this is his second marriage. Because of these two factors, we were not able to have the type of wedding I always wanted. Wedding locations may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me, it was a dream lost.
We got married in a courthouse with my sister and cousin as our witnesses. I had no other family and it wasn’t even on anyone’s radar. Our day is special to us but it was never celebrated in any way the way many people get to celebrate their union. I am not saying I wanted the big hooplah of a reception and all the parties. I really just wanted to walk down the aisle of a Catholic church and get married by a Catholic priest.
Our anniversary is coming up this month. We will be married for 7 years on the 26th. Each year the thought of the wedding ceremony I would have liked to have haunts me for a short time. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does. I can see the good sides of all this. There was little expense… no wedding dress, cake, photos, rehearsal dinner, gifts, wedding cancellation insurance (I had a friend that did this!), the hall/center payment, or the many other expenses that go along with having a large wedding. Our ceremony cost nothing except the cost of the license. But, I have no special memories of our day. I have no warm, loving feelings about the day I was married. It was a cold ceremony and over very quickly.
This is a big regret in my adult life. There isn’t much I could do to change it even if I went back in time. Mike’s situation would still be the same and I would still not be married in a Catholic church. It doesn’t stop me from wishing I could have had the wedding ceremony I always dreamed of though. I love my husband and it doesn’t change anything that we got married in a courthouse. But, I would love to be able to have the sacred union I always wanted.
Disclosure: This is a sponsored post. All opinions are thoughts are my own.
Silvia Fournier says
This blog post really touched me, I have been married for almost 2 years, we had a small ceremony at a chapel because I had convinced myself that I did not want the big white wedding due to my mother passing away when I was 18 and having no relationship with my father, my brother walked me up the aisle. My husband was also married before and did have the great big white wedding. Although we had family there I still feel a void, no cake, no dance. While my husband says we can always renew our vows I often wonder what’s the point, we are married now. Our oldest daughter was the flower girl, I have beautiful pictures and all that but still my heart aches.
Stefany says
I wonder what the point is of renewing vows too. It just wouldn’t carry the same weight as the original wedding to me. I’m sorry you feel that same void I do.
Debby Pucci says
I understand how you feel. I know others who went through similar situations. The important thing is your love and no matter where you got married God was your witness.
Stefany says
Thanks Debby. You are very right.
Lauralee Hensley says
Me and my husband were of the same faith, yet I’m the one who didn’t want a church wedding. My husband did though, since he wasn’t married in a church with his first marriage. Since his first wife cheated on him and even got pregnant by another man when they were married, our faith allowed him to be able to be married in a church even though divorced.
We were both back in college, money was very tight. My parents weren’t paying for anything. I had exactly $500 to do this wedding on, that’s clothes, flowers, food etc.. So I told him, no let’s just have a justice of the peace at the court house.
No, he kind of insisted.
So we had it at the church. The day was horrible. I barely made it to the church on time, because the lady that made the cake insisted I come to her home. It was all about the cake to her. Granted she did me a big favour and I only had to pay for the supplies, but still, I did not know she expected me to be there watching. I wanted to get ready and look nice. No such luck, no time to do my hair the way I wanted or nothing.
I got to the church finally, but not happy by any means.
The preacher of the church was not happy with me either. He thought I was going to buy all this fancy stuff for my wedding and then donate it to the church. I was like “No” I don’t have that money. He told me to ask my Dad. “No” my parents are watching their money closely as my Dad’s dying of congestive heart failure, and he already told me he wasn’t helping pay for anything.
My younger sis was wonderful, she paid for the flowers and the
candles. She didn’t have to do that, but she did. She paid for the outfits her two little children wore.
Out of my $500 I had to get a suit for my soon to be step-son as he had nothing to wear for a wedding and his Dad didn’t have the funds to get him one.
My outfit, was a cream colored skirt suit, nothing fancy, very simple and it cost me about $80.
My husband wore a suit he already had.
A couple in our church stood up with us. We let them wear whatever church clothes they wanted.
The organist was nice, he didn’t charge us and actually in that horrid weather drove in from another city.
The preacher is the one who sang as we couldn’t afford any one to do that.
Since the weather was horrid, I think maybe 14 people besides just immediate family which totaled adding both sides of the family 10, came to the wedding, though closer to 100 were invited in the friends/church members department.
Then because we’d used up all the money I had available to spend on the wedding, there was nothing left for a honeymoon.
No lie, after the wedding that night (two hours after we got home) my husband had to go to his night job.
My younger sis took his son for the weekend, but I think I would have rather he stayed with us, at least I would have had
some company. My husband had to work alot that weekend.
Then when he wasn’t working, he had a big report to get done for school that he was deligiently trying to get done.
You do what you have to do, you get beyond it. My wedding didn’t feel like it was My Day as so many brides like to feel it is.
I felt like I was being pressured into stuff by other people that thought this is the thing to do.
Even though my Dad was at the wedding he didn’t even give me away, my brother-in-law did that. My Dad wasn’t keen on the idea that I was marrying a divorced man with full custody of his one and only biological child. He didn’t mind that my hubby to be at that time was divorced, he was like there is trouble when you’re going to be an instant full-time stepmom. So he wasn’t going to pretend he was happy about it. I don’t even think he would have really come to the wedding at all, but that my mom made him.
Then to top things off, my step-son the ring bearer threw up everywhere when we said our “I do’s.” Thank goodness my sister in law came up and got him, then helped to clean everything up. No one else even bothered to get up or attempt to help. He was nervous and scared and his Dad rushed him to eat a McDonald’s hamburger and fries right before they came to the church.
Fairy tale wedding, no I didn’t have one either. I think a justice of the peace would have been nicer and much simplier, and maybe then I could of had the money for at least a one night honeymoon somewhere.
Stefany says
It isn’t always greener, huh? 🙂
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Lona W says
My husband and I got married in my mom’s living room with a justice of the peace. It wasn’t anything special and at times I still get a pang of regret that we didn’t have a wedding. I have been married almost 12 years now. It is comforting to hear other woman feel the same way I do about not having a wedding. Thanks for sharing.
~Lona
Stefany says
Thank you for sharing Lona. I am sorry you get that feeling from time to time too. It isn’t something we can change but I think it is okay to feel sorry for our situation from time to time. 🙂
Carol Wiethaupt says
🙁 but like you said circumstances would still be the same. Its only been 7 years? LOL.
Stefany says
We have been together for around 10 years!!!! CRAZY!
It feels like 30… hehe
Helen says
My husband and I were married at the court house too. We only dated for three months before we decided it was the thing to do. His parents were relocating and we didn’t have a lot of planning time. We had two beautiful daughters and twenty one great years together. He passed away six years ago. The only thing I’d change was that we could of grown old together.
Stefany says
I’m sorry Helen. I can’t imagine the pain you feel. I know I am blessed and shouldn’t worry about the small stuff. It is hard to remember that at times though.
Alyssa M says
I hope someday you can have a ceremony to renew your vows (if that’s your thing) with a bunch of hooplah! Every bride deserves to get fussed over once or twice in her lifetime. In the meantime, I’ll be celebrating with you, since you just happened to get married on my birthday!
Stefany says
Well happy early Birthday to you! 🙂