Being overweight didn’t happen overnight. It also didn’t happen by mistake. I knew each time that I ate something that was bad for me that it was going to have an effect on my weight. I knew that I would regret it. But, with that guilt came more eating and more regret. It was a constant cycle of hatred for my actions and decisions.
As I grew older, those things changed. Where I once was an emotional eater that fed my feelings, now I am an emotional eater in different ways. I no longer feed myself until I am “happy” by binging. Now, my happiness comes in other ways but I am still using food in unhealthy ways. If I am upset, as has been the case for the past few weeks, I now don’t eat and have been eating one meal a day on average. This leads to my body going into starvation mode and weight loss becoming impossible. It also leads to my body craving food and I end up eating things that aren’t good for me in order to fill the void. That void isn’t a hunger though… it is my emotions. If only I realized that when I was reaching for that candy bar or potato chips.
I am unsure how to get past these problems. I need to develop a healthy relationship with food but I don’t know how to begin. Food is always there. I can deny it (as I have been lately) or I can take it in. I can convince myself that the food is making me feel better but the reality is that I will feel guilt for my eating habits. It may not be today but it will happen.
I have been weighing myself each week. I have gained about a pound over the past few weeks. I am so unhappy with what has happened to my diet. But, I know that with all the negative feelings around and in me, I am not in a place emotionally that I can take care of myself physically. I want to get back on track with my diet. It makes me feel so good about myself when I see a weight or measurement loss. In the same regard, it is a huge let down to see a gain or no change. It can affect my entire day… adding to the emotions that I feel the need to feed… or starve.
I am praying for peace in my household and peace in my mind so that I can start to work on me again. I want to feel that sense of accomplishment I was feeling with each week of positive results. I want to know that I am doing something good for myself and my family. I want to be proud of myself again… not embarrassed about who I have become.
Debby Pucci says
I feel exactly the same way. Let’s pray for each other, pray that God will come in and heal our hearts. Pray that He will give us self control over food and that we will win this race over eating, putting the wrong foods into our body.
.-= Debby Pucci´s last blog ..POST IT NOTE TUESDAY =-.
Ma, What's For Dinner says
You know what I wish??? I wish it was cool to be big, like really cool, like in ancient times when love handles were a sign of prosperity because you could afford to feed yourself silly. Yeah, that’d be great.
Good luck with your journey. I’m right there with ya!
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What’s For Dinner?
http://www.mawhats4dinner.com
.-= Ma, What’s For Dinner´s last blog ..Fo’ Shizzel my Schnitzel =-.
Michelle says
This is a tough journey, I know how you feel. I wish you would have joined in on the webinar Freeman at Service To Self offered my readers. It is a wonderful program.
Here is the link to my blog with the program…
http://www.servicetoself.com/michellesweightreleasejourney/
Doll Clothes Gal Pal says
A lot of people are struggling to have a healthy relationship with food (me being one of them!) I know its hard, and all i can say is good luck on your journey and when you feel down – just know that you can always turn the situation around *hugs*
.-= Doll Clothes Gal Pal´s last blog ..Guest Post – Beach Reminiscing =-.
Krista S. says
I’m on a journey to have a healthy relationship with food as well. I’m participating in a support group that uses the book and workbook Weight Release – A Liberating Journey by Freeman Michaels. You might want to check it out – it’s really helping me heal myself, forgive myself, and finally for the first time ever I’m starting to love myself. I’m certain that this time I will release the weight forever. The book is really great for helping you figure out why exactly you are using food the way you do and how to develop a healthy relationship with food by using self-honoring choices.
I know for myself – I *know* how to diet, I *know* how to exercise…I know all those things but food serves a purpose for me and telling me to “just do it” doesn’t work. If you have any questions about the program I’m doing or just need to vent, I’ll listen you can email me or find me on twitter. *hugs*
.-= Krista S.´s last blog ..Bento Lunches – Week One =-.
Crystal says
A few things I’ve done is not allow myself to buy bad foods–I tend to eat when I’m bored so I make sure to have fruits and things like that–don’t allow myself to buy oreos every week or else they’d be gone in two days…
If you are looking for something to jumpstart some weightloss and help you feel better you could try Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred—it only takes 20 minutes a day…that’s all. I found that when I did that, I just felt better about myself and that led to making better choices.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. I’ll be thinking of you!
.-= Crystal´s last blog ..Cotton Babies Contest that You should enter by May 14th =-.
alicia says
Good luck on this journey. It’s not an easy one, but you sound like you have a handle on it and understand it.
.-= alicia´s last blog ..Fridays Flip-Offs. =-.