I am unsure how it all started, but the theory that it takes a village to raise a child is just not totally true. Specifically, it takes a parent or parent-figure to raise a child, with the help of others. In order to be a real parent to a child, you need to be an active part of their life. This goes beyond providing money for lunch, picking up dinner, and buying them clothes. You need to do more than sign your name, take the child to practices, and provide health insurance. You need to become a prominent figure in their life. You can be an ex-con but still be able to be a good parent. It takes work though and you have to be willing to do that work.
You can’t expect a school district to teach your child everything. The school is a resource and a help. Teachers are a very important person in your child’s life but should not be the only person that is providing education to them. As a parent, it is YOUR responsibility to teach your child. You need to work with them daily to make sure they are doing what they are supposed to. You can’t just think that, since you haven’t heard anything negative, that they are doing okay. You have to make sure your kids actually go to school. Allowing kids to have a “good excuse” isn’t good enough. Kids need to be present at school to have the basic foundation of their education created. Once they are home, you need to sit down and work on their homework with them. If they don’t have any, you need to make sure they are fully understanding what they are learning at school. Don’t count on a computer program to tell you the grades for your child. Ask your child for those grades. Ask to see the work they are doing and make them show you their grades.
Instead of pointing fingers at everyone but yourself for the problems you kids are having, look at how you are parenting. Be a real parent… not a figurative one. Allowing your child to do things inappropriate because they are “old enough” is just plain stupid. Teach your kids right from wrong. Don’t allow them to do things under your roof that are detrimental to them. Do require they act responsibly and with sense. That is unless you want your child to not succeed in life, to not have a future, to always be unhappy, and to require others to take care of them always. Then, you are doing a fine job of sitting around making demands on everyone else to be a parent. Go ahead and blame others for your lack of parenting. Your kids will know the truth someday… when they are working for minimum wage at a job they hate…. thanks to YOUR parenting.
Debby Pucci says
I agree with you totally. I remember asking my sister if she talked to her girls about sex. She said that school will teach them. Both of their girls got pregnant before marriage!
Michaela says
You’re right Stef, there are just some parents out there who don’t really care much about the education and welfare of their children. Teachers should not be a substitution for good parenting. Doctors should not be the only ones who care if the child is healthy or not. If an adult decides to give birth to a child, then they should be in it for the long haul… that means being active in that child life… not just some passive bystander. {{Hugs}} Sounds like this hit a little too close to home for you!
Stefany says
You know me well. 😉
Emily says
PS – I re-read my comment and wanted to add that I’m not a teen mom, I was referring to my future children that are nowhere near ready to be conceived yet. hehehe.
Stefany says
ha ha!
Emily, that is exactly what I am talking about. You are so young and already realize that things could have been different if you were encouraged and supported in your education. It is a great thing for you and you should feel very proud of yourself for realizing this already, making changes in your life now, and knowing how you want to change your future.
Emily says
I agree. I am 19 and feel that I do well for my age, and try not to blame my parents for the negative pieces of my life. However, I know that I want to be much more involved in my children’s lives once they start school than my parents were. I think I was mostly lucky that school came easy for me and that I was able to do my homework in school a lot of the time – however, I think I could have been a high honors student if I would have been pushed. I do better now that I am older and in college but it’s harder because I have to pick up on stuff that I should have learned and remember seeing in high school, but I did the minimum to get by instead of taking advantage of the free (to me anyway) education.
Donda says
I agree there are definitely some totally lazy, unwilling parents out there but it does take a village. During the school year, kids spend 70% of their waking hours with teachers. Not counting the numerous extracurricular activities that all the over-achievers are enrolled in. If you think about it that way, teacher and piano instructors are the primary care-givers.
Stefany says
I am totally not downplaying the role of teachers or other instructors. My problem are the parents that feel that their job is done after giving birth. To be a good parent, you need to be involved in your kids lives. You have to be willing to teach the child yourself. You can’t count on the schools to do all of your work.
Kristen Andrew says
I understand your point and they are good ones but the saying it takes a village refers to letting older mentor adults pour ino your child which is equally important to raising a child. It’s important for them to get other points of view and learn older values. I am a very active mother i my kids lives but we have a very tight knit family and my grandmother, mom and siblings all live on the same 2 acres and my aunt lives a few blocks away and they all play a part in raising my children. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the village that raises my kids.
Stefany says
That is a bit different than what I was trying to say. This is referring to people who think that the school is responsible for education, doctors are responsible for keeping kids healthy, and everyone owes them something.
Many families don’t have the older adults to mentor and educate/raise children. I think the saying may be taken differently by different people based on experience possibly?
That is wonderful your situation is that way. What a fantastic way to live!