I mentioned that last weekend Mike and I went to dinner. It was late in the evening and there weren’t many people in the restaurant. Our waitress was noticeably pregnant, to the point of walking with a bit of a waddle. I mentioned to her that she looked very cute pregnant (and that she likely didn’t feel like it). She said she was doing well and had 14 weeks left in her pregnancy but that she was nervous.
I don’t normally carry on conversations with our wait staff. I know they have better things to do than talk to their patrons, but I asked her if everything was okay. She went on to tell me about how her placenta was low and she was going to find out on the 21st of this month if she would be required to have a cesarean. If you followed me at the time of my daughter’s birth, you know that I strongly believe in the woman’s right to choose her own birth plan. I felt for this woman immediately. I know personally that fear and uneasiness she is feeling, waiting for that appointment to determine how her little baby comes into this world.
I talked to her about her feelings and she said that her biggest emotion right now is fear of the unknown, of the lack of control that a cesarean will give her. I shared ICAN with her because, even if you are going to have a cesarean, they are a fantastic source of information. She asked about my births and I told her some of it (I don’t give too many details to expectant moms about Joley’s birth because of the circumstances. I don’t want to scare anyone unnecessarily). I told her that a cesarean does not mean that she loses all control and offered to give her my number if she wants to talk more in depth about that. She was so grateful for my offering and took my cell number and email address.
I don’t offer medical advice to anyone, it isn’t my place. But, as a been-there-done-that, didn’t-have-my-vaginal-birth, cesarean mom, I can give her some insight on how to make her birth about her and her baby girl. Having a cesarean does not mean that you lose control. It just means you need to alter your expectations. I am willing to help her through those expectations so that she can have a memorable birth that she is happy about and has no regrets about.
The point of all this, besides how I really do love helping others, is that I know that I am doing the right thing with my life. I chose to go back to school because of my birth experience and how I never want another woman to go through what I did if it is possible to avoid it. I know, after the peaceful feeling I had after talking with our anxious pregnant waitress, that I am making the right choice. It was so great to see the anxiety come off her face when I spoke with her and gave her my number to contact me. I know that I can help other women and I love that feeling. I love being a nurse but felt confused about what my calling was until Joley’s birth. That no longer is the case and I couldn’t be happier.
Paula says
Stef that’s awesome. I wish I’d known you when I was going for c-section number 3. It was so discouraging. I wanted a vaginal birth so badly. I went to a hospital downtown just to try for my VBA2C because no other hospital would even allow a VBAC! I ended up being 2 weeks late with my youngest and still my body never responded to the contractions. Sigh. All that matters is he’s healthy, I know that, but I still feel this pain when I think about my sister in law going in for her fourth natural birth 🙁
Kara says
Stef, you have definitely found your calling. As you know, my passion is also for women to have informed birthing decisions, and to be able to have peace with however their baby is born, so long as it’s safely, since that is what matters most. And for you to take Joley’s birth, as hard as it was on you, and still is I’m sure, and turn it into something so positive, is truly a gift. I love hearing stories such as these, and I’m positive that I will be hearing more from you. I can only imagine the sense of peace that mom-to-be felt, because of you.
xoxo
Michaela says
Oh Stef even being an “experienced” mom of 1, I worry about the birth of this little one and what can happen. This was what even I needed to read right now! You are awesome and I really think you have found your calling!!
Stefany says
Thanks Michaela! The waitress actually had two kiddos already but the youngest was 10 (I think) so she felt like she was starting over and had never had a cesarean before.
I will be praying for her so that she gets the news she wants on the 21st.