Just as I was beginning to sit down to type this email, I saw a Facebook status of a friend saying her daughter’s separation anxiety was at a high point. She apparently was upset at a dance class because her mom wasn’t around. She is 8.
Johnny is experiencing separation anxiety often. I reassure him that I am here, that I will always be there for him, and that I will be back. It does help but he is still feeling “scared” and that he “misses” me. I know that things are changing for him. He is starting full-day school next week and while excited, he is nervous. He says this to me by telling me that he will miss me when he is gone. I tell him that I am proud of how big he is and that I will miss him too but will be there when he gets finished with school to pick him up and hear all about his day. Right now, that is working fine but I am unsure how it will play out next week when school starts. He did well for preschool so I am hopeful that things will go as well for Kindergarten.
Tonight, I stayed home with Joley while Johnny went to soccer practice with his dad. He wouldn’t play. He cried, clung to my husband’s leg, and refused to move. He refused to do anything. He did talk to me briefly on the phone although he said he didn’t want to at which time he agreed to play but then changed his mind when I was no longer talking to him. Again, he said he missed me. My husband said this is my fault for “coddling him” but I believe this to be a very normal reaction of a 5 year old whose life is about to change and they know it. No longer will he be home with me and Joley all day. Everything he knows as normal will be gone.
I am so hurt for Johnny that he is upset and feeling this anxiety. Even though I understand it to be normal, I still feel so bad that he is feeling these unsure feelings. I will continue to encourage him and reassure him but I am not sure what else to do. I feel he is a loving, caring, and an all-around good kid. My husband thinks he is acting like a baby and is unwilling to see that his reactions to our son have an effect on our son’s behavior. While that is a battle I am not going to win because he will always do the same things with the kids and see my love and parenting as coddling, I hope that I can help Johnny through this difficult time. He is just a little boy… a scared little boy. I just want him to be okay with everything.
Do you have any tips on how to deal with separation anxiety in a child? Did your little one have separation anxiety when they started school?
Debby Pucci says
Poor little guy. I pray that this passes as he enters a whole new world of exciting things.
Winter says
*sigh* Men want to toughen boys up before us moms are ready to toughen them up. I think this is really normal for your son. He will get through it with your love and understanding. He will remember you’re love and kindness through this and unfortunately he will remember his dads not understanding. He will probably never remember the soccer to be honest. My son doesn’t remember playing baseball and I’m glad because he wasn’t good at it and he wanted to sit in the stands instead. That year taught my husband and I an important lesson.
Kelly Ann T. says
What helped was we agreed to think about each other at lunch time. Tell him when he goes to lunch you will think about him and he can think about you at the same time. When I got older and got test stress my mom would ask me what time the test was then she said she would pray for me, and think about me at that time. Knowing she was doing that was a huge help for me.
Shell says
I don’t really have any advice, sorry. However, I did want to also point out that his life is changing with another sibling on the way too. While not a baby anymore, he is still just a little boy and sounds scared whatever the source. Sometimes we may have no idea where a fear comes from. I recall once when I was a child, my friend’s father was hit by a car and died. My Dad was out of the country right then and I became very afraid he would die and never return. I never told anyone about my fear, but became very nervous and cried in my bed in the dark, every night until he came back to the US safely.
Maya Z says
I’d suggest writing a social story for him. These are commonly used to explain situations to children with autism, but I think they’re great for young kids in general! You can see an example of one I wrote on my blog for the airport here: http://marfmom.com/archives/3340. Basically though, you write out what they can expect at the event (in this case, first day of school) and include information on what might be scary but then how they can handle it. For example, you might not know anyone, but you can say hi to the kid sitting next to you. You can either write the story out on your own, or work on it together with Johnny, which might give you some insight on his specific worries. Make sure to include a line at the end where he comes home to a big hug from you. Also, social stories can be as long or short as you want….a paragraph to a few pages.
Good luck!
Cassie W. says
I wish I had advice but in our house I feel it is completely the opposite. I am having a hard time dealing with my daughter starting kindergarten and she will only be half day. She on the other hand talks about riding the bus (which I would prefer to drive her) and all the new big kid things she will do and learn. I just want to hold onto my little girl. As a mom though, I think you are doing the right thing. I agree that he probably knows that life is making a huge change for him and he is confused and scared. Hang in there mommy. You are doing great!